Musings under the Sun

Well, here I am again. Sitting under the sun and penning down my thoughts, intending to post them on my blog. But I keep wondering what sort of writing makes for a good blog? I have gone through various blogs. Some are creative, some motivational while others talk about travel experiences, politics etc. But my blog has mostly been about 'talking my heart out'. Now I don't know if that makes for a good blog or not. I have always been able to express myself comfortably through writing. Be it emails, letters, chat or SMS. But I am no writer. If someone gives me a topic and asks me to write on it, there are high chances I might not be able to finish the task. I cannot write unless I feel strongly about something. It should be strong enough for me to want to pen it down. This is the reason why I am not regular at blogging, unlike most bloggers.

I really don't know what it is that I want to express right now. I wrote this article and sent it to my best friend to get his feedback, before finally posting it on my blog. He is a sailor turned professional writer. He was quite happy with the content, suggesting minor changes here and there. But for some reason I wasn't too happy with what I had initially penned down. I don't like to sound vague while I pen down my thoughts.

As I ponder over what I want to write, I start to look back at life so far and I feel alive. Something I haven't felt for most part of my life. Yes, I am not ashamed or embarrassed to admit this fact. I have never really felt comfortable in my own skin before. There have always been standards to live up to, in order to be accepted and loved. But since I wrote my last blog a lot has changed. I have taken a leap of faith, believing in myself as never before. I am sure of every word I say, every step I take. Even experiencing pain and sadness makes me feel alive. Because I have finally accepted that nothing is permanent. Neither happiness nor sadness. Take each day as it comes. Experience. Learn. Grow. Live on.

I just finished reading the book 'The Road Less Travelled' by Dr. Michael Scott Peck. Its one book I would recommend to all those who believe there's more to life than just being perfect and treading on a path laid out by the society. For me, being perfect is synonymous to 'just existing'. When one thinks he is perfect, the person ceases to grow and live. Life isn't a bed of roses for everyone. We all go through various experiences, learn from them. But what counts, is the learning and the will to be a better person everyday of our lives. To make each day count.

Life can never be measured by the wealth one has accumulated or the status in society. But sadly, today, it is all that counts to be a respected member of the society. And if you are a lady, you are judged by the sacrifices you make, sacrifices of your true self on the altar of the society. Why is it that a woman or a girl is judged by the way she talks, dresses or behaves? Isn't a girl just as human as a boy? Is being a good lady just limited to dressing decent, walking on the road with your eyes down and marrying the boy your parents choose?

A friend of mine, in her early 20s, is a budding entrepreneur. She went against her family traditions of getting married early and started her own business. She is also a social worker. Independent. Loves her freedom. Dates multiple guys at the same time. Of course, it's platonic. But she is honest about it to all the guys and they respect her for that. Now, most people would judge her by her outright blunt attitude. She is honest about who she is and doesn't mean harm to anyone. According to the society, she may be different, even a misfit, but according to me, she's far better than the so called 'perfect' hypocrites. Her biggest virtue is her clean heart and the will to bring a difference in the society. She is true to her beliefs and not afraid to express them in front of others. That's how we should live.

One should live for oneself. Only then can we truly live for others. We don't need others to 'make' us happy or sad. Our life is in our hands. Pain, struggle, heartbreaks and trauma; all lead to our growth in the end. We can only truly grow when we wish our as well as our loved ones' growth. A true legacy a person can leave behind is love. Unconditional. Undisputed.

She's still alive n kicking :)

After many months, today has been a really good start to my day. After battling phases of sadness and depression and an unhealthy body, I have finally decided to take charge of my life. Since I was born I have lived in a cocoon and nothing much happened for a long time but I came out of it in 2011 and a lot has happened in that one year.

I have gone from scaling the heights of happiness and ecstasy to coming down crashing with a thud. That crash almost broke my bones and my soul. I felt life had ditched me. And I took the easiest route I could to cope with that fall. I went back into the cocoon and held the world around me responsible for killing the girl full of life.

But I couldn't see that the girl had not died. She had just been sucked back deep into her cocoon. And there were peep holes all over that cocoon of hers. She could see the world around her. one was the world she had built for herself as a child and then was someone else's world that she had made her own. Every one wanted to mould her soul according to what suited them and in the quest of doing so, they almost ended up crushing her soul to death. She was left feeling lifeless.

But then recently a sudden realization dawned upon her. She was becoming like one of the many people in the world who blamed others for everything. Just in time, she realized that those who really love her, love her for what she is, deep within. And that she shouldn't change. She shouldn't become what the society and the people in it demand her to be. She should remain who she is, a free spirit, loving everyone without any expectations of being loved back. She should just thrive on becoming a better soul. Not depending on anyone to be happy or feel loved. She needs to learn to love herself again. One can't please everyone. But one should be careful not to hurt anyone, knowingly.

This is what the girl has realized. She has decided to feel comfortable in her own skin. She will be as sad or as happy as she wants to be. She has decided to live life with her head held high and just be herself and just live in the moment. Take each day as it comes, striving to make it a positive, quality day.

Till love do us apart

They say marriages are made in heaven. A relation , an institution as sacred, pious as marriage just doesnt need adjustments and compromises. It needs everything that the world can or cant imagine. It needs commitment, trust, compatibilty, a spouse who can be your best friend, with whom one can grow as a person, and just live. People fall in love and say "he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with","she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with." That is something that amazes me. Call me an emotional fool or old fashioned or whatever that you may please, but life is not meant to be just spent. It is meant to be "lived" with the person you love. People fall in love, take vows of a lifetime, until death do us apart. Then why is it that they themselves kill the love? Is that what they mean when they look into each other's eyes and vow 'until death do us apart'? death of love? Is it so easy to fall in and out of love?? One fine day, they tell their spouse that they have found love in the arms of someone else.....someone more beutiful/handsome, more fun loving, more ambitious, someone who doesnt compromise his/hers dreams to see them happy or progress, someone who has not seen the tough times with them, as their spouse has, someone who has just brought fun and excitement and unpredictabilty in their lives. What about all those moments, when the spouse sacrificed his/her happiness willingly to bring a smile , see their better half grow and progress and feel content with the happiness of their spouse, not once bothering about themselves, their dreams??????? And who should be hanged for the death of love ?

Did you ??

It's becoming more evident
Much more obvious to me
I thought much more of you
Than you ever thought of me

Was this my biggest mistake
Letting myself think you cared
Was I just your marionette
With heartstrings open and bared

With me left here still thinking
What was false, what was true
So puzzling and so complex
I am left to await another clue

On my heartstings you played
Each left with a painful memory
Yet I still have those questions
Do you ever think about me????

YOU

"You". A stranger that is what "YOU" were for me. Silently tiptoed into my life. and entered with YOU the smiles, the laughter, the care and the unknown. It isn't everyday that we meet each other. It isn't every hour that we think of each other. It isn's every minute that we smile for each other .And it isn't every second that we love each other. 

Yet it feels EVERMORE.

Life plays its games. Propels us on crossing paths. The day begins with YOU and the night ends on YOU. The centrifugal force of my life is YOU. With YOU, I see the dreams unseen. I tread on a path , unexplored, unrevealed. 

I dont want to let go.

I need you to know.

When YOU be gone, 

I will miss YOU, miss it all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Never will be a day,

when I would'nt count

The days , the weeks, shall fly

and I'll feel like am in heaven.. AGAIN !!!!!

It was just another day for me till I set my eyes on you. That one moment changed my life, never to be the same again. For me, my entire world revolved around you. My eyes only wanting to see you, heart only wishing to be with you and Soul yearning to be at one with you. Memories of days gone by imbibed so fresh in my mind. I sit back against the window, in the darkness of my room, looking up at the moon with my wistful eyes and am greeted with a cheerful smile on its face. It strengthens my belief in destiny. But the fateful word 'Destiny" puts forth a picture of uncertainty, that it shakes me up till the very depths of my soul

What if I never got you ?
What if I could never make you mine ??
What if I am to live on without your love ???
Your strong arms that engulf me in their warmth. The touch of your skin against mine. The tip of your fingers gently moving the hair on my face. And that kiss that leaves me wanting for MORE.
What if I am never to have it All..... EVER AGAIN ???????????

Change from within : a Realisation.

Many a times I wonder - why it becomes necessary to bring out our inner voices ? Voices that are too loud to be ignored and are not willing to be buried - untold & unheard.

The other day I went for a movie - No One Killed Jessica. It is a movie that evokes many emotions within us. The 2nd half of the movie strengthens our belief that truth wins in the end, no matter what. The movie potrays the real face of Corrupted India. A country overpopulated with corruption , where anyone can be bought and sold. All one needs is POWER -  to be the Master of the Trade of corruption. Throughout our adult lives, we have read of and known of cases where justice is denied to the needy. The truth shrieks right into our faces, but the system is sooooo blinded by the glory of power, that it tramples upon the hopes of those seeking justice. The glory of corruption crushes the beliefs of all downtrodden in the legitimateness of justice and walks away with its head held high with shameless pride.

India, a country so diverse, a country so rich in culture, is also famously known for its richness in corruption. How can a country OF THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE, be so morally poor ?? All it needs is an awakening call , a push on the conscience to beat the demons of corruption. Media plays a very important role in influencing people and reaching out to them. The very same media can take pride in bringing back to life the dead conscience of so many of us. With the belief that one candle can illuminate many lives, we should tap the doors of our conscience and let it spread the LIGHT OF JUSTICE.

My Knight in Shining Armour

How this all happened, I really do not have a clue.
I was single and then suddenly I met you.
You were just a friend and I did not expect anything more,
but out of no where my emotions began to soar.

As I laid there one night staring into the stars,
I sat there and thought of how amazing you are.
Everything I want, everything I need.
I can just say you, which sums it up, basically.

I love the way you make me smile,
and the way you make my life complete bliss.
You may live extremely far away,
But the fact that I love talking to you makes you hard to resist.

The small things you do such as making me laugh,
make my heart tingle a little more.
If only you lived closer,
You would have already blown me out the door.

The distance may be tough,
But, baby, I can make it through.
I will do whatever it takes.
As long as in the end it is only me and you ......